I have now become a travel agent via Mickey's Travel. I will assist in making your reservations for all Disney travel experiences.
I am so excited to do this as you all know my passion for Disney.

If you are thinking of or planning or even have plans already to go to Disney or do a Disney Cruise contact me at michele@mickeystravel.com
or https://www.facebook.com/MickeyTravelByMichele

Today was my grand daughter's first Bday party. It was a lot of fun. I thought I would share some pictures of her with you all.

Could I be seeing the light at the end of the tunnel?

It's been a while since I have posted. Kind of feel like starting a new blog but this one will do for now.

So I have been back to work but hours are not much. It's ok for now though as I have many appointments and things going on. I go every other week to have my blood level checks. My it's taken some time to get them to level out but they are doing pretty good now. I have seen the primary doc and the pulmonary and had a cat scan done of my head too. No word so I am guessing all is good but who knows until they tell you.
The primary thinks after 6 months of being on meds (so in June) I should be able to stop meds. I am happy but scared. Will see what happens. I just hope to stay on the program that is taking care of my testing but since my husband is now working not sure? UGH!
We moved into a nicer home and we share it with my bff Stacie and her son. It's nice and things are going good. Tyson got a full time job!! He is doing construction like remodeling work. He's been doing a nice house doing both bathrooms, he did some training on walk in bathtubs installs and will train on tough shed installs. The company owner and manager really like him so he is feeling pretty good about it. I am thrill for him and me.lol
The grand kids have been growing like weeds. Tristen is doing great in his school. Seems like he is becoming more social and talkative. Khloe is starting to walk. OMG she is so funny when she does this. She stands there waving her arms up and down, like winding herself up then takes 3-4 steps.
I am so hoping to save some money to hopefully do a Disney trip in fall or Dec. 2013. My hope is a 3 day Disney cruise then 4 days at WDW and 1 at universal. Will see, as I hope this kind of stuff all the time but if he is working still this should be able to happen. Fingers crossed right?lol
Oh and more good news. I found out my sister Amanda is having a boy (due 8/6/12) and my step sister Dan-El is having a boy (due 7/29/12). How cool is that? I get to have one of each again. My other sister Alicia has a girl 18 and a boy 13. I am one happy auntie.

Starting over in another direction

So my mind is more clear now and I am feeling better. The pain isn't there all the time like before. It's easier to see things now that I am past that part, I hope. I don't want to continue to worry about the what ifs but to think of what I have.
I am so very lucky to have survived what I did. I know this now. I didn't realize it before. I have a loving husband. We have been together over 23 years. Two amazing daughters. To which are great moms to the best grand kids I could ever ask for. My family who has been incredibly supportive and trying to help me in any way they can. Friends who have brought me lots of fun times and check in on me to make sure my spirits are high. And two of the best IMs a girl can ask for.
I still have a long road ahead but I will make the best of it. I will learn and hopefully teach others. I am returning to work Wed. I can't wait. I asked to return today but since my not says the 1st I have to wait. Oh well just two more days. I need to do this to feel more normal.
Tyson has been asked two times to come for an interview but both times the GM has had something come up and rescheduled. She said to try tomorrow. UGH. I hope so.
So maybe this year will get better. Did I mention my 42 bday is coming up. Feb 15. I am looking forward to having another year of life and family to love.

It's all ended

All my hopes, desires, dreams and wishes are GONE!! In such a quick swoop I am not able to be a surrogate. I am not able to see my dream to carry another child for a loving family. I am not able to feel a baby in side, the smiles of the parents when they see the heart beat, or the day of delivery to see their love full. I never once thought such a thing would happen now.
I have been healthy doing my best to take care of myself and was blind sided by pulmonary embolism. I have several clots in my left lung and the doctors are baffled that I had no prior signs.
Even that fact that I have birthed 7 babies, several surgeries, lots of hormones in that past years and still never had anything go wrong. Now that I was not pg for over 2yrs, no meds other than birth control for only a few months of being on it. They said really I should have had this with all the other stuff. So it's tricky I guess.
I called the RE he said it was making no sicne that it's happened now and my peri says the same thing. Both said if I had a disposition to having them I would have had them with any of the pregnancies or cycles of meds.
I now have to have extra testing with the oncologyst who is worrkied I may have something else starting. Cancer. Said he has had a few patients who had no major factors as myself and who ended up getting some form of cancer. Said with my age and having nothing bothering me perhaps a mamo should be done. The only down side is the said it can take maybe 6 months until we know if it's that or longer.
My life has taken a complete 180 to this damn thing inside of me. I was such happy go and free loving person. I feel I am not living in fear. Fear my time is limited. Fear to move wrong, Fear of dying. I hate this feeling. It's not who I am and I don't want it to take me over. I want the old me back.
I want to see things half full not empty. I hate seeing the fear in my families eyes.
I hate worrying how to pay bills since I am not working. I want to work but I am afraid to do that too. I want to dream of going to WDW again and plan a trip but that has been taken from me as I will never have the money to do it. I will never feel that hope the way I use to.
PE has taken it from me. I want it back!!! I want to get past this. I don't want to be on blood thinners all my life. I don't want to worry I will bleed out or something stupid just from a darn paper cut. These are not the shots I planned on taking. I don't want it. I hate it.
I feel nobody knows just how bad I feel inside. I feel I need to stay strong for everyone else as it's my burden you know. I don't want to break down and cry in front of them.
I pray to God I get myself back. I want to be me again. I turn 42 next month and it's something I use to take advantage of as just another birthday. This one isn't this one is about me still living and praying I make it to many more.

quick change in date

It's been moved up a week. We are expecting transfer on or around the 17th! Well this throws a wrench in my plans as my BFF may deliver that week. Hmmm? Oh well I have a date and I am excited!

A Transfer date

So I had a message from the clinic today. They said they had some dates and wanted to know which would work. One possible transfer date was Feb 24 or March 1st. I think Feb. 24 sounds good to me. Even though it does ruin my hopes of joining some Dis Diva's at Disneyland. I will take the transfer over that.
So I will call them back tomorrow as they were closed already and give them the go ahead.
Now I also better make sure my BFF has the baby before then as I don't want to miss it and I may have to have her come with as my DH may have a new job and will not be able to join me.
It's also just after my Bday on the 15.

I'm almost ready

So I was told my testing is all good and now they need Tyson to have his done. So I just got his lab slip and we shall go today!! Wow things seem to be moving forward!! Getting very excited too. I have to talk to the RE on Friday! I hope to have some dates to report after that.

Oh and I wanted to share some cute Christmas pictures of my grand kids. They are so darn cute. Poor Tristen didn't want his picture done with the big guy though.

What? I may be getting testing soon...

Ok so remember way back when I had a couple from England that wants me to be there GS? Well guess what? After what seems to have been a long wait, well it was a long wait. They now have been cleared by their new clinic in Connecticut and I should be getting my testing set up soon. I have already been given an RX for birth control so this is improvement.lol
I spoke to the nurse Jill and she called my rx in and said they are just waiting for them to go over my records and  let me know what I need done. So maybe some time this week I may have some more news.
It's been like 3 months. The agency had to get things done between the ip's and me, then the we had to set up a consult but they were on vacation. Then I get that then it was waiting on the old clinic to set up a consult with the ip's. That took another 3 weeks. Then a week later I find out they aren't going to use him after all and are now looking a new one. I then find out they found one but had to wait a couple weeks for the new consult. That was done on Thanksgiving and now things are on the go. They just have to get me and the ED on the same schedule too. Gosh I wonder how long this will be?

Had a dream about my TS surro bub

So my TS surro bub is turning 16 in April. I have never met him since they left a few days after birth. I do have contact with his family and I respect their choices. They have said for years and years they are going to tell him and each time she says she's going to tell him it's going to be soon and expect a knock at the door as she is sure he will want to come meet me and "his sisters'. Those are her words.
Years have gone by and she still hasn't said anything. I just figure one day she will be I am worried how he will handle it.
Well now they are expecting a baby girl in just a few weeks with their new TS. As of a month ago mom says she still hasn't said anything and planned to when dad was home, he travels a lot, but then the bad weather happened in Va. where the live and they had flooding. Then dad had to leave again.
I was like really your about to bring home a baby and he has no clue still? She said when dad gets back they will sit him down to tell him.
Does this mean they haven't even set up a nursery for the new baby?
I am so worried how he will react I am dreaming about it. I just don't want him to be upset with me or his parents. I feel he will. She says no he will be fine. Well how can she be so sure? She hasn't ever had to find out her parents weren't her birth parents. He will not be prepared to here this I am afraid.
Ugh!! I adore them I really do but they are not seeing the full picture. I know I have no clue how he will be either as I don't know him. I just don't know anything.

And here I sit

Things seem to be all about wait and see. It's either for one reason or another. So I sit and wait for things to come. What is meant to be will be.

On top of all the waiting my father in law passed away. He has been fighting cancer for a long time. We even went to see him on what was to be his death bed way back in July. He defied the doctors by getting better and getting out of the hospice and going home. He did very well too. The cancer didn't get better though. So he went in for chemo on Wed.  10/26/11 and passed on Wed. 11/2/11. He was loved by two sons, two grand daughters and two great grand kids. Not to mention me and lots of friends.
My poor husband is heart broken to find out he left his things to an ex girlfriend but not much we can do about that. He did what he wanted I guess. So we will be left with memories and nothing to pass down.

The search continues

Somewhere out there is my couple (or single) parent. I do believe they are there looking for me too. I have come across a few possibilities but nothing set for sure. I hope soon. I want to help someone special to have the baby of their dreams.
I have also met quite a few great people in my search. So many I wish for them to find their perfect surro. I can't imagine what it is like to be on the other side. The heartache they must feel each day knowing they have to have someone else help them. Someone who starts out being a complete stranger but with hope becomes more than a stranger, but the one to help them be parents.
Cost seems to be a huge factor for most. I understand it cost so much for them. I understand they have probably spent thousands just trying to have a baby before getting to the point that they need a surro. It can't be easy.
I pray ever night for those in need and for me to find my perfect match. I will keep looking and hope to move forward soon.

Future?

Still not much to say on my surrogacy. I have been in touch with a few possibilities but noting has come from them. Meeting up with someone in a couple weeks and will see how that goes.
I have seen my last IM on FB and really miss her. I wish we could have worked together. Can't believe how others got so involved.
I went to my first same sex wedding Sunday. It was so much fun. I really enjoyed the ceremony and the party after. I danced for a couple hours. I met some great people too. I got to meet the bride's IFs she had two boys for. So nice.
The grand kids are growing like weeds. Tristen turns 3 this Sat. Can't believe how fast that went. Khloe is over 4 months now.

Quiet

So things are very quiet on the surrogacy end for me. Waiting to hear how things pan out. Looking and hoping. It's not easy. I am just as impatient as the other person. In surrogacy it's just has to be something you learn to accept.
You hear something hopeful then nothing at all. It's very frustrating. I prefer to know what's going on and not wait for it. I am thinking since there is nothing good to report they choose to say nothing. To me I like to know if there is something I can do to help it out.
Replying to adds and getting no reply back at all is just rude. I don't understand why you can't acknowledge getting the info and thank the person for their time but you aren't interested. This is much better than ignoring them.
If the shoe was on the other foot??? I am a believer of do onto others as you would want done onto yourself.

It's so sad.

There has been so much negativeness about surrogacy in the news lately. It's heartbreaking to see something I love so much being treated in such a manor.
It's such a beautiful gift to give to another couple to become a family. It's a shame some went the wrong path and took advantage of others. I am glad they are stopped but the news is causing so much harm to those who didn't break the law. Who took the right path.
I hope it goes away soon and we can try to continue to help others legally!

looking again

It saddens me that I have to say I am looking to match again. I do believe there is a reason for everything and hopefully we both will find a new match soon.

I am waiting to see if I will be matched again or look on my own. I have all testing done though and I am ready to go. Lets see if anyone else is.lol

:-(

Well not what I was hoping for. I am waiting for the official word but it sounds like the end is very near. I hate hearing this. I guess there is always a reason for things to happen, but it still hurts. I feel awful it's come to this. I hold no grudges and only hope for the best for all of us.

One bumpy ride

So many things going on not even sure where to start.
First is we went into contracts. Bad thing is we went into contracts. From one attorney refusing to keep things in that was agreed on from day one. Stating laws. When there is still always a way to have them in if worded correctly.
Then one attorney asking to have it switched to a local attorney to be able to state the laws here. Then to have another doing a counter offer that was never expected to be accepted but to have the first attorney rethink things and add back what is to be in it from the beginning.
I believe it's causes all party's to have worries when in reality if the parties involved were sitting at a table they could have it all worked out with no issues. It's just sad it's gotten like this and I hope that things get worked out soon. I know I am hurting and I am quite sure she is too. If it does get worked out soon then great if not then we may be onto new journeys. I know this isn't what I want.
I do believe everyone involved is really trying so this is a good sign.

On top of that my father-in-law is dying of cancer. He went into hospice last Friday. He was completely incoherent and is now up talking, walking and asking to go home. This is just crazy how it's going. We know the health is still the same as he is still dying from cancer but he is just such a strong man he isn't going down with out a fight.lol It's quite the emotional ride that is for sure. Last weekend we are talking about canceling his things like direst tv, news papers, closing up apartment, dumping old meds down the toilet. To now saying well crap he's gonna be mad when he gets home.lol There is just no book on what you should do and all we have done is to do our best for him. We offered for him to return home with us. He only wants to go to his place. I don't think that is wise as he really does need help all day long. Guess will see what the future brings.

The family is doing good. The grand kids are growing up so fast.

One good thing today

I have been approved for health insurance!!! Not just major medical either. I will now have maternity coverage!! I am so excited! I was worried when I first heard I was denied insurance from the major group here. I thought my chances of continue on was over. Then found out about this pre-existing plan and that it's good for me and nothing against surrogacy got me hopeful again. It only took less than two weeks too. I was very happy for that as when I first called I was told it could take 5-6 weeks.
Now I am just hoping the contract issues can be cleared. I know things have been going on behind the scenes and my attorney was doing some research. She found some things out last night and is calling me today to discuss them. I sure hope it's good news.
I just want to help MaryEllen have baby number 2. I am so ready as is she.

Wish us luck.

Ups and Downs

So if there is something that can go wrong it seems to happen in waves.lol
 I had my fluid u/s done and got the all clear. I was so happy. I mean there could have been a polyp or something else that could have caused us to hault or pause. Thankfully they were happy to see my uterus is in good shape. The only down fall is I have been bleeding while on the pill for 3 weeks. Not fun let me tell ya. They took me off the pill and put me on two estrogen patches from Wed. to Sat. and if still bleeding (which I am) then put two more on. They say this will do the trick but I am not so sure anymore. UGH! I hope it does. Then I start the pill again.
Then I got word that the insurance I applied for that was asked if they would decline me for having GD in the past did just that declined me. UGH! It took them long enough to let me know. So that put a huge scare in me. I had the broker contacting other insurances but they too all said they would decline me for that or a couple other stupid things.
Then she called with good news. There is a new insurance that is desinged for those who have a pre-existing condition, been turned down by an insurance, and no insurance for at least 6 months. I fit the bill! So I applied that nigh and had to have my Dr. say I had one of the conditions and send in my letter from the other insurance that they declined me. The good thing also it's cheaper and it covers maternity when the other wasn't going to unless there was some major medical reason. So I am happy and I see no reason why I wouldn't get this one now.
Then my IM's attorney did as promised had the contracts done before the end of the week. The only thing is she left out lots of things that the agency asked to have in and lots of things I need in it. My attorney said no way are we signing this until it's fixed. Then it seem to be going down hill even more with the other attorney saying no. Um hello, why not? I guess things are going on behind the scenes as my attorney today said there was more added but still not quite right but she was looking into things. So I hope this a good sign.
I just want to have things go smooth now. My poor IM is just as excited and eager too. We have the ED ready to do things now as I think she started her period so now it's time for her to be checked and started. We don't need any more stress.
Speaking of stress I am hopeful to be rid of that soon too. I hear my clinic offers massage and acupuncture and my IM says to get it done. She had this for her cycles and believes it's a good thing. I have never had this so I am really looking forward to trying it out! She is such a sweet lady. I so can't wait to get this thing going and hope to have first time success and enjoy this journey with her and her DD.

In my home life, it's been busy! Having two little ones at home is fun but noisy.lol Tristen is still trying to potty train, and we found out he will be getting assessed for her speech and any other issue he may or may not have. I am excited for him. I think he tries so hard to communicate but sometimes it's just so hard for him.
Khloe is still dealing with reflux but she is doing better with the pain. She is going to see a GI in just over a week. Yay!
My baby (katy) turns 20 in just over a week too. Time flies by I swear I remember her following me around everywhere.