Pixiedust/Surrogacy Style

Starting over in another direction

2012-01-30T15:31:00.000-08:00

So my mind is more clear now and I am feeling better. The pain isn't there all the time like before. It's easier to see things now that I am past that part, I hope. I don't want to continue to worry about the what ifs but to think of what I have.
I am so very lucky to have survived what I did. I know this now. I didn't realize it before. I have a loving husband. We have been together over 23 years. Two amazing daughters. To which are great moms to the best grand kids I could ever ask for. My family who has been incredibly supportive and trying to help me in any way they can. Friends who have brought me lots of fun times and check in on me to make sure my spirits are high. And two of the best IMs a girl can ask for.
I still have a long road ahead but I will make the best of it. I will learn and hopefully teach others. I am returning to work Wed. I can't wait. I asked to return today but since my not says the 1st I have to wait. Oh well just two more days. I need to do this to feel more normal.
Tyson has been asked two times to come for an interview but both times the GM has had something come up and rescheduled. She said to try tomorrow. UGH. I hope so.
So maybe this year will get better. Did I mention my 42 bday is coming up. Feb 15. I am looking forward to having another year of life and family to love.

It's all ended

2012-01-14T10:35:00.000-08:00

All my hopes, desires, dreams and wishes are GONE!! In such a quick swoop I am not able to be a surrogate. I am not able to see my dream to carry another child for a loving family. I am not able to feel a baby in side, the smiles of the parents when they see the heart beat, or the day of delivery to see their love full. I never once thought such a thing would happen now.
I have been healthy doing my best to take care of myself and was blind sided by pulmonary embolism. I have several clots in my left lung and the doctors are baffled that I had no prior signs.
Even that fact that I have birthed 7 babies, several surgeries, lots of hormones in that past years and still never had anything go wrong. Now that I was not pg for over 2yrs, no meds other than birth control for only a few months of being on it. They said really I should have had this with all the other stuff. So it's tricky I guess.
I called the RE he said it was making no sicne that it's happened now and my peri says the same thing. Both said if I had a disposition to having them I would have had them with any of the pregnancies or cycles of meds.
I now have to have extra testing with the oncologyst who is worrkied I may have something else starting. Cancer. Said he has had a few patients who had no major factors as myself and who ended up getting some form of cancer. Said with my age and having nothing bothering me perhaps a mamo should be done. The only down side is the said it can take maybe 6 months until we know if it's that or longer.
My life has taken a complete 180 to this damn thing inside of me. I was such happy go and free loving person. I feel I am not living in fear. Fear my time is limited. Fear to move wrong, Fear of dying. I hate this feeling. It's not who I am and I don't want it to take me over. I want the old me back.
I want to see things half full not empty. I hate seeing the fear in my families eyes.
I hate worrying how to pay bills since I am not working. I want to work but I am afraid to do that too. I want to dream of going to WDW again and plan a trip but that has been taken from me as I will never have the money to do it. I will never feel that hope the way I use to.
PE has taken it from me. I want it back!!! I want to get past this. I don't want to be on blood thinners all my life. I don't want to worry I will bleed out or something stupid just from a darn paper cut. These are not the shots I planned on taking. I don't want it. I hate it.
I feel nobody knows just how bad I feel inside. I feel I need to stay strong for everyone else as it's my burden you know. I don't want to break down and cry in front of them.
I pray to God I get myself back. I want to be me again. I turn 42 next month and it's something I use to take advantage of as just another birthday. This one isn't this one is about me still living and praying I make it to many more.

quick change in date

2012-01-05T08:34:00.000-08:00

It's been moved up a week. We are expecting transfer on or around the 17th! Well this throws a wrench in my plans as my BFF may deliver that week. Hmmm? Oh well I have a date and I am excited!

A Transfer date

2012-01-04T20:16:00.000-08:00

So I had a message from the clinic today. They said they had some dates and wanted to know which would work. One possible transfer date was Feb 24 or March 1st. I think Feb. 24 sounds good to me. Even though it does ruin my hopes of joining some Dis Diva's at Disneyland. I will take the transfer over that.
So I will call them back tomorrow as they were closed already and give them the go ahead.
Now I also better make sure my BFF has the baby before then as I don't want to miss it and I may have to have her come with as my DH may have a new job and will not be able to join me.
It's also just after my Bday on the 15.

I'm almost ready

2011-12-07T09:58:00.000-08:00

So I was told my testing is all good and now they need Tyson to have his done. So I just got his lab slip and we shall go today!! Wow things seem to be moving forward!! Getting very excited too. I have to talk to the RE on Friday! I hope to have some dates to report after that.

Oh and I wanted to share some cute Christmas pictures of my grand kids. They are so darn cute. Poor Tristen didn't want his picture done with the big guy though.

What? I may be getting testing soon...

2011-11-29T17:12:00.000-08:00

Ok so remember way back when I had a couple from England that wants me to be there GS? Well guess what? After what seems to have been a long wait, well it was a long wait. They now have been cleared by their new clinic in Connecticut and I should be getting my testing set up soon. I have already been given an RX for birth control so this is improvement.lol
I spoke to the nurse Jill and she called my rx in and said they are just waiting for them to go over my records and let me know what I need done. So maybe some time this week I may have some more news.
It's been like 3 months. The agency had to get things done between the ip's and me, then the we had to set up a consult but they were on vacation. Then I get that then it was waiting on the old clinic to set up a consult with the ip's. That took another 3 weeks. Then a week later I find out they aren't going to use him after all and are now looking a new one. I then find out they found one but had to wait a couple weeks for the new consult. That was done on Thanksgiving and now things are on the go. They just have to get me and the ED on the same schedule too. Gosh I wonder how long this will be?

Had a dream about my TS surro bub

2011-11-10T16:20:00.000-08:00

So my TS surro bub is turning 16 in April. I have never met him since they left a few days after birth. I do have contact with his family and I respect their choices. They have said for years and years they are going to tell him and each time she says she's going to tell him it's going to be soon and expect a knock at the door as she is sure he will want to come meet me and "his sisters'. Those are her words.
Years have gone by and she still hasn't said anything. I just figure one day she will be I am worried how he will handle it.
Well now they are expecting a baby girl in just a few weeks with their new TS. As of a month ago mom says she still hasn't said anything and planned to when dad was home, he travels a lot, but then the bad weather happened in Va. where the live and they had flooding. Then dad had to leave again.
I was like really your about to bring home a baby and he has no clue still? She said when dad gets back they will sit him down to tell him.
Does this mean they haven't even set up a nursery for the new baby?
I am so worried how he will react I am dreaming about it. I just don't want him to be upset with me or his parents. I feel he will. She says no he will be fine. Well how can she be so sure? She hasn't ever had to find out her parents weren't her birth parents. He will not be prepared to here this I am afraid.
Ugh!! I adore them I really do but they are not seeing the full picture. I know I have no clue how he will be either as I don't know him. I just don't know anything.

And here I sit

2011-11-03T20:19:00.000-07:00

Things seem to be all about wait and see. It's either for one reason or another. So I sit and wait for things to come. What is meant to be will be.

On top of all the waiting my father in law passed away. He has been fighting cancer for a long time. We even went to see him on what was to be his death bed way back in July. He defied the doctors by getting better and getting out of the hospice and going home. He did very well too. The cancer didn't get better though. So he went in for chemo on Wed. 10/26/11 and passed on Wed. 11/2/11. He was loved by two sons, two grand daughters and two great grand kids. Not to mention me and lots of friends.
My poor husband is heart broken to find out he left his things to an ex girlfriend but not much we can do about that. He did what he wanted I guess. So we will be left with memories and nothing to pass down.

The search continues

2011-09-28T08:34:00.000-07:00

Somewhere out there is my couple (or single) parent. I do believe they are there looking for me too. I have come across a few possibilities but nothing set for sure. I hope soon. I want to help someone special to have the baby of their dreams.
I have also met quite a few great people in my search. So many I wish for them to find their perfect surro. I can't imagine what it is like to be on the other side. The heartache they must feel each day knowing they have to have someone else help them. Someone who starts out being a complete stranger but with hope becomes more than a stranger, but the one to help them be parents.
Cost seems to be a huge factor for most. I understand it cost so much for them. I understand they have probably spent thousands just trying to have a baby before getting to the point that they need a surro. It can't be easy.
I pray ever night for those in need and for me to find my perfect match. I will keep looking and hope to move forward soon.

Future?

2011-09-19T20:08:00.000-07:00

Still not much to say on my surrogacy. I have been in touch with a few possibilities but noting has come from them. Meeting up with someone in a couple weeks and will see how that goes.
I have seen my last IM on FB and really miss her. I wish we could have worked together. Can't believe how others got so involved.
I went to my first same sex wedding Sunday. It was so much fun. I really enjoyed the ceremony and the party after. I danced for a couple hours. I met some great people too. I got to meet the bride's IFs she had two boys for. So nice.
The grand kids are growing like weeds. Tristen turns 3 this Sat. Can't believe how fast that went. Khloe is over 4 months now.

Quiet

2011-08-17T14:21:00.000-07:00

So things are very quiet on the surrogacy end for me. Waiting to hear how things pan out. Looking and hoping. It's not easy. I am just as impatient as the other person. In surrogacy it's just has to be something you learn to accept.
You hear something hopeful then nothing at all. It's very frustrating. I prefer to know what's going on and not wait for it. I am thinking since there is nothing good to report they choose to say nothing. To me I like to know if there is something I can do to help it out.
Replying to adds and getting no reply back at all is just rude. I don't understand why you can't acknowledge getting the info and thank the person for their time but you aren't interested. This is much better than ignoring them.
If the shoe was on the other foot??? I am a believer of do onto others as you would want done onto yourself.

It's so sad.

2011-08-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

There has been so much negativeness about surrogacy in the news lately. It's heartbreaking to see something I love so much being treated in such a manor.
It's such a beautiful gift to give to another couple to become a family. It's a shame some went the wrong path and took advantage of others. I am glad they are stopped but the news is causing so much harm to those who didn't break the law. Who took the right path.
I hope it goes away soon and we can try to continue to help others legally!

looking again

2011-08-09T20:20:00.000-07:00

It saddens me that I have to say I am looking to match again. I do believe there is a reason for everything and hopefully we both will find a new match soon.

I am waiting to see if I will be matched again or look on my own. I have all testing done though and I am ready to go. Lets see if anyone else is.lol

:-(

2011-08-08T21:25:00.000-07:00

Well not what I was hoping for. I am waiting for the official word but it sounds like the end is very near. I hate hearing this. I guess there is always a reason for things to happen, but it still hurts. I feel awful it's come to this. I hold no grudges and only hope for the best for all of us.

One bumpy ride

2011-08-07T12:10:00.000-07:00

So many things going on not even sure where to start.
First is we went into contracts. Bad thing is we went into contracts. From one attorney refusing to keep things in that was agreed on from day one. Stating laws. When there is still always a way to have them in if worded correctly.
Then one attorney asking to have it switched to a local attorney to be able to state the laws here. Then to have another doing a counter offer that was never expected to be accepted but to have the first attorney rethink things and add back what is to be in it from the beginning.
I believe it's causes all party's to have worries when in reality if the parties involved were sitting at a table they could have it all worked out with no issues. It's just sad it's gotten like this and I hope that things get worked out soon. I know I am hurting and I am quite sure she is too. If it does get worked out soon then great if not then we may be onto new journeys. I know this isn't what I want.
I do believe everyone involved is really trying so this is a good sign.

On top of that my father-in-law is dying of cancer. He went into hospice last Friday. He was completely incoherent and is now up talking, walking and asking to go home. This is just crazy how it's going. We know the health is still the same as he is still dying from cancer but he is just such a strong man he isn't going down with out a fight.lol It's quite the emotional ride that is for sure. Last weekend we are talking about canceling his things like direst tv, news papers, closing up apartment, dumping old meds down the toilet. To now saying well crap he's gonna be mad when he gets home.lol There is just no book on what you should do and all we have done is to do our best for him. We offered for him to return home with us. He only wants to go to his place. I don't think that is wise as he really does need help all day long. Guess will see what the future brings.

The family is doing good. The grand kids are growing up so fast.

One good thing today

2011-07-27T08:29:00.000-07:00

I have been approved for health insurance!!! Not just major medical either. I will now have maternity coverage!! I am so excited! I was worried when I first heard I was denied insurance from the major group here. I thought my chances of continue on was over. Then found out about this pre-existing plan and that it's good for me and nothing against surrogacy got me hopeful again. It only took less than two weeks too. I was very happy for that as when I first called I was told it could take 5-6 weeks.
Now I am just hoping the contract issues can be cleared. I know things have been going on behind the scenes and my attorney was doing some research. She found some things out last night and is calling me today to discuss them. I sure hope it's good news.
I just want to help MaryEllen have baby number 2. I am so ready as is she.

Wish us luck.

Ups and Downs

2011-07-15T21:38:00.000-07:00

So if there is something that can go wrong it seems to happen in waves.lol
I had my fluid u/s done and got the all clear. I was so happy. I mean there could have been a polyp or something else that could have caused us to hault or pause. Thankfully they were happy to see my uterus is in good shape. The only down fall is I have been bleeding while on the pill for 3 weeks. Not fun let me tell ya. They took me off the pill and put me on two estrogen patches from Wed. to Sat. and if still bleeding (which I am) then put two more on. They say this will do the trick but I am not so sure anymore. UGH! I hope it does. Then I start the pill again.
Then I got word that the insurance I applied for that was asked if they would decline me for having GD in the past did just that declined me. UGH! It took them long enough to let me know. So that put a huge scare in me. I had the broker contacting other insurances but they too all said they would decline me for that or a couple other stupid things.
Then she called with good news. There is a new insurance that is desinged for those who have a pre-existing condition, been turned down by an insurance, and no insurance for at least 6 months. I fit the bill! So I applied that nigh and had to have my Dr. say I had one of the conditions and send in my letter from the other insurance that they declined me. The good thing also it's cheaper and it covers maternity when the other wasn't going to unless there was some major medical reason. So I am happy and I see no reason why I wouldn't get this one now.
Then my IM's attorney did as promised had the contracts done before the end of the week. The only thing is she left out lots of things that the agency asked to have in and lots of things I need in it. My attorney said no way are we signing this until it's fixed. Then it seem to be going down hill even more with the other attorney saying no. Um hello, why not? I guess things are going on behind the scenes as my attorney today said there was more added but still not quite right but she was looking into things. So I hope this a good sign.
I just want to have things go smooth now. My poor IM is just as excited and eager too. We have the ED ready to do things now as I think she started her period so now it's time for her to be checked and started. We don't need any more stress.
Speaking of stress I am hopeful to be rid of that soon too. I hear my clinic offers massage and acupuncture and my IM says to get it done. She had this for her cycles and believes it's a good thing. I have never had this so I am really looking forward to trying it out! She is such a sweet lady. I so can't wait to get this thing going and hope to have first time success and enjoy this journey with her and her DD.

In my home life, it's been busy! Having two little ones at home is fun but noisy.lol Tristen is still trying to potty train, and we found out he will be getting assessed for her speech and any other issue he may or may not have. I am excited for him. I think he tries so hard to communicate but sometimes it's just so hard for him.
Khloe is still dealing with reflux but she is doing better with the pain. She is going to see a GI in just over a week. Yay!
My baby (katy) turns 20 in just over a week too. Time flies by I swear I remember her following me around everywhere.

Moving right along

2011-05-26T20:55:00.000-07:00

So MaryEllen has chosen her ED and the ED has accepted!. The contracts are being done by lawyer now. The consult with the clinic was today and she likes the RE and the RE said we will get a call Tues from the nurse coordinator to get me in for my testing. MaryEllen is coming Tues. and meeting me on Wed. At this time she may go meet everyone at the clinic too. I know she will be very happy with the clinic. Hope that July is the month we can do our first transfer. Will see. Oh and my insurance papers are done and I am just waiting for the check to come and that part will be done too.

I just can't wait to meet her. She just seems so easy going with a big heart. I really think she and I will be a great team. Plus how cool it is to have a clinic to get things going for us in such smooth manner. I am really pleased with working with Simple Surrogacy. They have kept up with things and having an IM that is doing her part too makes it nice!

MATCHED!!

2011-05-15T10:30:00.000-07:00

Ok it's official. I am matched to a this wonderful lady in NY named MaryEllen.(she and I both agree to using our names). She has a little girl 3 and we can't wait to get started. I am looking into getting my medical done, get contracts started and she is also in need of an ED. So we have a few things to get started but if all goes well maybe the end of July early Aug. might work? We shall see.
Either way, I am so happy she wants lots of contact before, during and after. She said this would be a deal breaker if I didn't. Well that is all I have ever wanted anyway, so no problem there.
Not sure when we will meet in person, but it's ok with both of us if it's a while. We feel very comfortable with each other and our agency.
So I will keep you all posted as to how things come along.

Sunday

2011-05-14T12:08:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow I will have a phone call with my potential match!!
Stephanie and Simple Surrogacy has found me a wonderful single mom that I hope to help. I look forward to talking to her early Sunday morning. If all goes well we may be started asap?
I have been talking to her for a few days via email. The funny thing is I have actually had contact with the IM back in early Dec. I emailed when I saw her on SMO looking to find a GS. With relying on emails that get lost in space my reply back to her never sent. So I thought she just didn't reply back and she must have thought the same thing.
Funny how things work out. It's all good though as I have known Stephanie for a long time and have wanted to work with her agency for a couple years now.
So wish me luck with my call and I hope to make an official announcement soon.

She's here!!!

2011-05-13T19:28:00.000-07:00

My beautiful granddaughter is here. Khloe Giselle was born on 5/10/11 at 6:19am She weighed 6.1lbs and 18in. She is a tiny thing but our little Minnie is so darn cute. She looks like her mama when she was a baby.

On a surrogacy note, I may have good news soon. I'll post when I know more.

Things are looking up

2011-05-05T22:37:00.000-07:00

I had some wonderful things happen this week. I met a new friend though surrogacy. She is getting ready to try and get pg on her own. She has been such a fun person to talk to and I hope that her wish comes true in a couple weeks.
Then got a special email from someone I have knows for a long time via surrogacy but never got the chance to work with. Now I may get that chance. I'll share more when things are more for sure

Katy had an appointment this week. They are planning to strip her membranes Monday. I hope this works. I really don't want her to be induced. I hate the idea of that and how some end up with a csec. I want her to be lucky and have an easy vag. delivery.
So in about 1-2 weeks I will have a beautiful granddaughter to love and hold.
Oh by the way the baby shower was a huge success.

Feeling like I am closer

2011-04-26T17:57:00.000-07:00

So I feel like I may be closer to having someone help me find a match. I just hope to hear something soon and that I will then be on my way.

This sat. is Katy's baby-shower. I have so much to still do. i hope it's a great day for her and Chason. Not much longer until my little Khloe is her to grace us with her cuteness.lol
It's really nice to see her crib all put together and it set up waiting for her to come home to.
The carseat cover was shipped today. Can't wait to see how it turned out.

Had a good Easter. Tristen had the best time finding eggs.

feeling down

2011-04-21T22:13:00.000-07:00

So when I started my search I didn't think it would be this hard and this long. I mean when I first decided to do it again after having baby Tai. I was basically found by my last IP's. Seriously it wasn't even from my add. It was seeing me on smo in my siggy. I got an email and the rest was history. Well until the chose to stop after things didn't got as good as we wished.
So since then I have basically been told I will be very hard to match. Most Ip's want you to have insurance (I understand that but I have since found some to use). I have been told because I had 3 csec, ok well my peri oked me. Since I had GD before, ok but it was controlled by diet not insulin, that my age turns some down, well it's just a year and half older than my last delivery and well heck I can't get younger lol, and my weight, this is not as easy to loose. UGH. After all the meds and babies it's sticking to me like glue. I have tried really I have. I did loose a few but there is more I could loose. The thing is I have been this weight or there about for a few years now and it's never been an issue with the REs they have oked me it's not caused me not to get pg.
I know I am not the "best option" but I'm not the worst either. I know I once they got a chance to know me they would like me. I am am dependable, loyal, loving, funny (ok maybe not to all.lol) caring and giving. I stick by you and give you hope when your feeling down. I lend an ear when you just need to vent. I hold your hand when your scared of what is to come and I jump for joy when you get the best news ever. I am a great surrogate to have. Just need someone to have the chance to know me.

On another note. My TS babe is not a babe anymore. He turns 15 next week!! I just can't even believe how time has flown by since becoming a surrogate.

It's official!

2011-04-13T15:09:00.000-07:00

No match for me. I knew it was coming already and so it's not a surprise but still to finally here back from them still stings a little.
Maybe they had talked to the RE's nurse and she told them the RE may not approve me? This could be the reason why I haven't heard from them in days. Why when I did get a reply last week sometime it was very short and nothing informative? I don't know.
Either way their RE said no as she things having 7 babies is too many. This sucks as my own Peri says I am ok and the last RE (Dr. Sher and Dr. Fisch) said I was ok and even did my testing to show it. It is what it is and I can't fix it. I am proud of it. Five of the seven are babies are from surrogacy.
So here I am again looking. I know I will find another couple just wish it wasn't so hard. Hopefully my next post will be of good news.

Waiting.....

2011-04-06T08:24:00.000-07:00

So I am still waiting to find out if I am officially matched or not. I really like this couple but there have been a few things that I thought were worked out and ok but are now back in the talks and not so ok.
Working on insurance isn't the most fun part of being a surrogate. I sure wish that insurance co. Would be more open to surrogacy and understand these couples have been through so much all ready to have a baby that adding these stresses isn't right.
We should all be able have coverage no matter who is keeping the baby at the end. Even an adoption is covered but because we planned on having one then it's not.
So until we hear more I guess we are in limbo and I may have to keep looking too. I am not even sure if their clinic will approve me yet. Waiting for the RE to get back in town and review my records.

In other news. My daughter's baby shower in April 30th. I have lots to do and plan but I just have to wait to do most of it in a couple weeks. My co Host is so busy right now with her grandpa in in the hospital with a broken hip, now replaced.

So will see what my next update brings. lol

A New Meeting

2011-03-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

I have some news to share. I am going to meet a new couple. They are coming from California tomorrow. I have sent my med. records to their RE and we are waiting for their approval.

We have agreed on all the important things and are looking forward to getting things going.

I shall share more once all is "official".

Feeling close

2011-02-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

So lots has been going on. I am not a year older. GULP. I still feel younger than I am and I believe I look younger too. What do you think? I'm the blond. The other is Merinda my second IM.

Merinda came to town to visit me for 3 weeks. It was a lot of fun having her here. We went to Disneyland and just had so much fun. I so enjoy our visits with each other.

For my Bday my last IM, Keiko sent me one of the most thoughtful gifts to get. I got this book made for a child created by surrogacy. She changed the names to fit our's and added photos of her son inside. It really was so wonderful. She plans to read it to her son when he is old enough to start understanding. He is 14 months now. If that wasn't enough she sent me a Tinker Bell shirt for my trip and tinker bubble bath. Then when I got back from my trip I came home to a gift card for a massage and facial at my favorite place.

I have been feeling close to being matched and hope to come report about it soon. Don't want to jinx it now but I think it just might happen. Keep your fingers crossed.

Katy is just over 27 weeks pregnant with my granddaughter. So things are coming along on that. Can't believe how fast it's coming up.

That's all for now.

Feeling a little left behind

2011-01-09T21:06:00.000-08:00

It's weird how things work out sometimes. Here I thought of doing another surrogacy about a year ago. Got matched fairly quickly and quite easily. Then after the loss and then the hope for the next cycle, to only be told it was over before it started. I felt like things were going to go just as easily. I was wrong. It hasn't
Now I am still looking (not long in some eyes) but when you are see 2 of my friends whom weren't even really looking now matched (by me) and trying to get pregnant later this month. I feel left behind. Wondering why and what I is to come.
Some of the worst part is replying to adds and either not hearing anything back or to hear back asking you things then nothing at all. It's just rude! I haven't done this to anyone and I hate that it happens to me. I ask that no matter what their thoughts are at least let me know. It would be nice to know that I am not what they are looking for or that they are going to keep looking.

A New Year

2010-12-29T21:13:00.000-08:00

So as the New Year approaches, I am thinking of how I hope things will be. My hope is to help one more family and I am sure one day that will happen. I am just waiting for the right couple/or parent to find me or me them.
Next is to see my husband get some better opportunities. He has made some great new changes in his life and it's time to see how things can improve in the employment fields.
For Katy to have a healthy baby girl. Her name will be Khloe Giselle (not sure how to spell the middle name) but it's Chason's grandmother's name and she was a Holocaust survivor. It was quite the debate on that one but thankfully they came to a conclusion.lol
I would like to see Brittany to continue her education. She was doing so good but then when her ITT school moved across town it made it more difficult for her to travel there.
I hope to see my grandson Tristen to continue to grow and learn as he is such a great boy. He is so good with acting out movie themes. He is only two but seriously can act out scenes form Lion King, Monster's Inc. and even UP. lol
The rest is for my family and friends to have love and peace within them.
May you all have a wonderful year and find your dreams to come true. Happy 2011!!!

The Holidays!

2010-12-15T16:43:00.000-08:00

So how many have been shopping and baking? I have been baking and preparing my sweet gifts. This year will be a very rough one but we are blessed with having our family here with us and to share our love with. This is the best part.
Katy is over 17 weeks pregnant now. She has an appointment next week. She will have a great u/s and hopefully Chason (daddy) will get to join her. She and I went to do some baby registry stuff. So many cute things out there. It seems each year they get better things.
Brittany, has had her hands full with Tristen. Wow 2 years old and he is quite the temperamental kiddo. Yikes!! He is really funny though and has the best imagination and remembering how movies play out. I will have to catch him on film so I have proof of it. Thing is he hardly ever does it on command.lol
Surrogacy has been in slow mode. Sometimes I feel I may be trying too hard. I even asked my last couple to rethink things out. I am wondering if I shouldn't have done that as now I haven't heard from them. I hate when I stick my foot in my mouth. I should have just let our friendship be that and not push for things.
I also got a great gift from my last surro babes mama. It was picture of both the ip's and my surro babe with my bff's last couple and surro babe. It's so amazing to see how big they are.
Well, if I don't post again before Christmas, I wish you all a very Merry Christmas and happy New Year.

It's been a while

2010-11-27T16:48:00.000-08:00

So here I am still looking for a couple/or single parent to help. I knew it wasn't going to be easy. I was really lucky before and when they chose to not forward it was hard. I am thankful to still have contact with them though.
So I have an add up, talked to two agencies about getting matched and I responded to a couple adds too. The only responses I have had to my add is from agencies. When I write back to them about what I have to offer and what may be a neg to match me they don't respond.
When I talked to the agencies I would like to work with they are nice and open to helping me. They also have been truthful in letting me know I will not be easy to match either. I am sure they will still keep me in mind but I have a feeling they will not be calling me soon.
The ones I have taken a chance on replying to their adds either don't respond back or say thanks but we were hoping for someone closer. I did have two single IMs that have sounded like they would be great to help but again not much more after that.
This is all part of being a surrogate with out insurance. Since I only work PT I don't have insurance from my employer. They would have to pay for a plan or do a cash program with the peri. It seems so many are not being covered for surrogacy and more girls are finding it much harder to match.
I still have hope though. I know I will find someone or they find me. They will be willing to do what it takes just to have me as their surrogate and I am willing to do what I can to help them.
I hope it doesn't take too long to be matched. I'm not getting any younger and it's such a joy to be in a journey together I want to share it all again.

As for the family. We just had Thanksgiving. It was a really great day. I had everyone over and the food was great too. The best part was that everyone got along and we just got to hang out and enjoy what the day had to offer.
Katy found out she is having a girl. We are so excited to have a little girl joining the family. We will be blessed with one of each now. Couldn't ask for anything more. My heart is full.
Tristen has been doing so much better with his words and learning his ABCs. He also has become quite the eater too. He use to barely eat and we were worried. But now he eats and eats. He really is a great kid.
This year is going to be a very tight Christmas. I have never been in such a position I am now and will not be able to give the gifts I have in the past. It saddens me but at the same time I am thankful to have my family and that is the most important part of the holidays.
For the New Year I hope to have more hour or a better job. I hope that Tyson has found a new job too. I look forward to the new year and new beginnings.

Blessing to all.

The end of what I thought was the beginning

2010-10-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

Well I know it's been a while. I haven't felt like dealing with what has happened. So many things have gone on in my life and my head has been spinning.
One Katy is expecting, Two we moved into an house and Katy and Chason have joined us to save money and create some credit up. Three, my journey with my wonderful ip's have come to an end when we were just beginning again.
Stacie had her first u/s after only being on stims for a week. The u/s showed 3 follicles but there were more smaller ones too. The RE said he would have no issues working with her if this was her own cycle as he knows he would get her pregnant. Since it wasn't her own he wasn't sure this was the best case scenario for the ip's to have any to freeze. He was going to call them and discuss it with them but would most likely have her come back in two days. Well we got a call a short time later saying to stop meds they were going to look for a new ED. I was completely shocked to hear this. I just didn't understand how they would say not to take another look in a couple days before quiting so abruptly?
I called and spoke to my IF and he said since this was their last paid cycle with the clinic they didn't want to risk having nothing to transfer. I explained to them that Stacie offered to donate with no payment that day and if I got pg she then would get paid. If I didn't get pg then they didn't pay her. I also said why not just look again and see what's going on before say no? He said they were going to dinner that night and talk about it. It had a very bad morning with other things going on besides this and they needed some time.
The next morning I he sent an email saying they will not be going forward with this cycle and were now thinking of stopping our journey all together. I was so not expecting this. It was the last thing I expected from them as the whole time it's been nothing will stop us, we will continue until we get what we want and that is another baby. So I just couldn't understand what was going on. I knew they were hurt and just felt like things kept going wrong. But if the reason your not moving forward is to save the cycle they paid for then why are you now throwing it away? Why didn't we just take our chances with this one since all the money was spent on meds and their trip to come visit us? Why now after only one transfer with a pg that did happen from it, but just wasn't strong enough to continue? There was just too many things that have brought me to have more questions.
A couple days later I get another email saying sorry but we just need more time. They were going away for the weekend and will let me know what they are planning after that. So Monday came and I got the email that just blew me away, not even a call. It was an email saying thanks but we are just too emotionally drained after doing IVF for 10 years and having their daughter who is 5. They are just done.
I am hurt beyond words from this. I was so dedicated and waited for them to get things going for our second try. The loss was in May, We didn't get to start things until Sept again. I was patient and understanding about the timing for them. Now I feel so lost. I still haven't even wrote back to them. I thought I was worth a phone call. I thought I was worth a better explanation than we are emotionally drained. I do feel bad for them. I do understand they are drained. I just don't get that answer though? There just seems to be something more and I wish I knew and understood. I like to the feeling that there are ways to fix it. I just don't know how to fix this. I really cared for them deeply and wanted to help them so bad.
Now here I am having to start over again. I didn't want to leave my self open to heartache again. It's not easy to find ip's now. I am not great on paper. I am judged by things that may be hard for some to over come but I know they don't cause me any troubles. I am older (40), I have had 3 csec, I have had gest. diabetes (controlled by diet), and 7 babies and my comp isn't outrageous but it's not a first timers comp either) I do have clinics that will work with me but mostly because they know me and see past those things. They know I have had a good history of getting pg. My peri who has delivered my last 3 surrogacies has cleared me to go. I take my pregnancies seriously. I take the whole journey seriously. I truly enjoy being a surrogate.

WOW! so much has happened

2010-09-15T09:33:00.000-07:00

So where to begin? I guess from Sat. The day I did get to start my meds and thought the day was going to be exciting but never imagine just what that meant.
I got a call from my sister asking if I was sitting down. Ya why? She starting crying and said that Lita was being put to sleep in a couple hours and we should come say good bye. Lita was our rottweiler that we raised since she was a baby. We had to move into a place we couldn't take her and so my mom kept her for us and when we had the room we just couldn't see moving her back and forth so my mom kept her there. She was 9 and had started getting ill this week. They ran lots of test and well everything was shutting down. So it was time to say good bye.
Tyson loved her so much but didn't want to see her like that so he stayed home with the baby. Katy and I went and got to give her some love and hold her for a bit. She was the best dog, so gentle and well mannered.
When Katy and I left she asked if we could stop by the dress shop and try on wedding dresses. So we did as this would get our minds of things.
She tried on a pretty dress but she wasn't happy with it. So she tried on another, I could see her expression this was the dress. She was in love and I have to say it looked like it was made just for her. We loved. it. She still tried on a couple more to make sure and still came back to this one. So we were told the cost of $998 and that it was a dress not on their website or in magazines as it's a demo. Ok so we then thought even though it's a great price we were only there for fun and would continue to look. Then another associate come over and said the dress was discontinued and this one was the only one available and that price had dropped. They walked away to see how much and Katy and I were like hope it's good. But she was scared as she didn't want to miss out on this dress now. They came back with $495 as the cost and only half down to keep it. WOW! that is incredible so we now have her wedding dress.lol
So that was an unexpected thing to happen but sure put a smile on both our faces.lol
So later in night Katy called me just after 11pm to inform me her best friend's dad passed. I felt terrible for them and she was so sad. I tried to comfort her on the phone and decided Sunday she would come over and we would make a dinner to bring her friend's family.
Sunday came and Katy came to cook up some dinner. We then went to pick her finance up and we stopped by to bring them dinner. The friend's grandma use to rent a house to us and had a letter from the city for me. Oh wow what's that about as I haven't lived in the house in over 4 years. Can you believe I got a check from them for $540? I was shocked. Guess when I was in a car accident and they sent me to the county hospital they made some billing errors and they presently did an audit and I got lucky to get the check. Weird how that worked out huh?

So last night (Tues 9/14/10) Katy calls me again at 11:30pm to let me know she just did a pregnancy test and it was positive. What a way to be woken up huh? We talked for a bit as she was crying as she was now worried about lots of stuff. I told her it would all work out and not to worry. So I guess this means I am going to have another grand baby. I am happy, wish it wasn't like this but hey things happen for a reason right? The funny things is if/when I get pregnant in a couple weeks we will only be like a month apart. How strange that will be.

excited, sad, hopeful

2010-09-10T09:23:00.000-07:00

Excited tomorrow is the big day to start my meds! I sent an email letting my Ip's know that in June they would hopefully have a baby to bring home. It seemed to mean a lot to them. He sent an email to me and I think it's starting to sink in that this could be our winning cycle.

Sad, my daughter Katy has to hurt right now. Her best friend's dad is being removed from life support. They say he may stay a live a few days but will not survive. She wants me and her dad to come say good bye to him, but we barely knew him. I then realized she just needs us for support for her and so we need to come. It breaks my heart she is hurting for her friend and she has known him for many years.

Hopeful, that we can help a special little girl with cancer. To help raise funds there is a way to get something out of it too. If your planning a trip to WDW you don't want to pass this deal up. You can rent a house with a private pool for just $85 a night or $95 during peak dates. 20% of this will be donated to the Hailey fund if you mention her name. See links below to learn about her and the rental.

http://www.mickeysmagicalmanor.com/

Hope for Hailey!: Hope for Hailey! at OneTrueMedia.com

hopeforhaileykent.blogspot.com

ED starts meds

2010-09-07T21:06:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow morning Stacie starts her meds. It's the lupron this will help suppress her ovaries so they can do what the RE wants them to do. I know she is glad to be getting things going as our the ip's and I. It seems like it's been forever.
So we had our loss end of May. Thought we would move quickly into July but ip's needed to wait for Sept. Ok fine waiting is something I learned how to deal with. But we all thought that would mean a transfer for Sept. But this wasn't the case. The RE starts you in Sept but the retrieval and transfer is for the fist week of Oct. Weird how that works huh?
So anyway, we are starting so I am happy.
So let me tell you some about my relationship with ip's. I talk mainly to IF (99%). I think I spoke to IM two times but maybe just once? She is very sweet but he is the one who is outgoing and she is quite shy. I know most would be put off by this, but I am not bothered. He is supper easy to talk to. I really enjoy how openess and if I wonder how they are feeling he will not hesitate to tell me they are scared, nervous, excited, working hard to keep the money flowing for all the bills.lol Seriously, when you work indy it's important to be able to talk this stuff.
He shares stories of their lives, their DD and love for Hooters.lol I think they picked me because they can come to Hooter's in Vegas.JK. See it's joking around like that that makes it fun. They are going to be supper nervous when I get preg. I know they will be more worried than they may say to me. I can't imagine how hard it will be the closer I get the 20 weeks. Then each hour/day/week/month past that it might sink in that this baby will actually get to go home with them.
I kind of think the good things of this are she has experienced this. She knows what I am going to go through for them. Not all my ip's know this prior. Some never had to do it they couldn't carry for reason's of no uterus, cancer, past the age to conceive and do to health risk. I did have one who did IVF on herself many times and this one will be the only to have done it on her self/ and carried a babies.

Wanted to share more.
The photo is of Stacie and I with my youngest Katy and her son Austin. She loves Disney too.
Stacie and I are trying to see if a quick trip to Cal. will work for this weekend. I won a vip pass for 4 to view the new World of Color at Cal Adventure. It's not a full day pass but it's still a way to enjoy a bit of Disney. Scrunching numbers but still not a final yes or now.lol I know not much time right?
If we go it will be her son Austin, my grandson Tristen, Stacie and I (hey my spelling and proper Eng. isn't the best, but it's my blog and if I mess up you know what I am trying to say right?LOL)
Oh I also found out today I will be moving into the house we wanted. Finally got an answer. It's nice knowing but OMG it's a lot of money to move. You just thing oh not too much, but then you sit and think, gotta get a truck, more packing supplies, more deposits for bills and home, need to pay to have a carpet guy do old place, need to get more cleaning stuff. See it's enough to make anyone's head spin. I bet I am not even listing everything.
Oh and my youngest DD Katy and her now Fiancée want to get married next Sept. Will see if they stick to this date but for now that's the talk. We have planned our Disney Cruise for 9/11/11. So I think they will do it on the 3rd and then the next week is the trip.
I always plan to do something Disney with my family after each Surrogacy. See my title comes in handy? I was blessed with ip's who made this happen. First ones sent us to WDW, second to Disneyland, Third Disney Cruise and WDW all paid by them. They really spoiled me. My fourth and fifth ip's also spoiled me but I was blessed by them in other ways. Well not really my fourth as we don't talk since she was 3 weeks (prior to that great). My fifth keeps me happy as she continues to make me feel like her friend. But she has given me some really special gifts and memories.
So to continue my Disney tradition I did it myself with pleasure. My fourth was a Disney Cruise but not the whole family. DH and oldest stayed home as Brit just had Tristen. And my fifth was to WDW just DH, me and Tristen's first Disney trip.
Oh and you will find I ramble on sometimes. It really makes more since in my head I swear.lol

My first attempt at a blog

2010-09-05T10:10:00.000-07:00

Hello, my name is Michele. I am a wife, mother of two girls 20/19 years old and one grandson who is turning 2.
I have been doing surrogacy for many years now. I love what it's brought to my life and what I have done to help too.
So I thought beings this should be my very last time at being a surrogate I should keep a blog about it. It's funny how much you forget. I think it also has something to do with how many babies I have had that have sucky my brain cells.LOL

TSX1-Boy-4/96
GSX1-Girl-8/03
GSX2-Boy-2/06
GSX3-Girl-10/07
GSX4-Boy-10/09

Now I am cycling again with a pending transfer around the 6h of Oct. My IP's are from FL and have a little girl. They really are a great couple. They have tried having a sibling but after 2 late losses at 20 weeks they decided it's best to get a GS (me). They even have my best friend Stacie as their ED. So with any luck will be pregnant.
This will actually be our second try. We did a cycle in April with frozen embryos from a prior ED. We did get pregnant but never saw a heart beat. We did see what looked to be a embryo that may have been splitting but it wasn't meant to be.
I start my meds on the 11th of Sept.

I hope you all stick around to see how things go.